Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We just shotgunned beers for America
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
