Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
