he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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