What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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