dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
