Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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