I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
