If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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