Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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