I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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