who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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