Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
