Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
