is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
