**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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