Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I AM VODKA MAN
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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