Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
