Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
