THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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