you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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