Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
