so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
