So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
