Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
