fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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