we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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