Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
