I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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