its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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