At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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