is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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