I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
