he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
