He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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