I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
