I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
