it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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