she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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