She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
