So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
