He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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