Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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