So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
