I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
