Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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