The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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