Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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