i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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