right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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