i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
