I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
