Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
