someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
