well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
