We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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