so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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