I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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