i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
